Foodblind

I was recently at a potluck for a diversity and inclusion group gathering in our town.  Accordingly the food was diverse, as were the attendees.  Many told their stories of belonging and not belonging to the country they call home, America.  I was struck by how much of their unique experiences I had little knowledge of, either because I am not close friends with people in their particular group or because they may not feel free to share their stories and struggles in most spaces.

It reminded me that somehow in our efforts to be inclusive we attempt colorblindness.  We treat everyone as equally as we can, yet we are somehow blind to the lives around us.  We see faces and not their varied beauty.  We miss these stories that are part of the humans in front of us.

At an international potluck like this, what if we didn’t discriminate, but respectfully treated each food the same as we would the bread on our sandwiches?  Dumplings are ravioli, baklava is cake, yakisoba is pasta, curry is chili, salsa is ketchup.  What if like being colorblind we were also “foodblind”?

If we were foodblind, we would miss out on all the different flavors presented to us: spices and herbs from distant lands, textures that are delightfully different and awaken our palates, recipes that have been handed down through generations and recall a place and a home both far away and in our town.  You would forget that this lovely feast is set out by caring hands, and that in each morsel you have been briefly invited into their homes and lives.

We also forget how these cultures are already intricately woven into this country that we call home, such that we forget the lives and stories and magnificence behind them.  As we drink coffee in the morning we forget to appreciate that it was born from far away Ethiopia.  The tea you sip was also drunk by generations of Chinese and other East Asian aristocracy.  The sugar sweetening the bitterness of your morning drinks forever changed the history of the islands and countries of the Americas.  The chocolate we indulge in, from Hershey’s kisses to boutique shop truffles, are from the beans our Mexican ancestors cultivated.

And as we celebrate Thanksgiving, lets not forget that the corn in our cornbread is descended from a species that New England natives carefully adapted from their Mexican origins to their local soil.  The pumpkins in our pies are from their home gardens, planted to feed their families through harsh winters and times of scarcity.  The turkeys that we now feast on were used for their feathers for graceful adornment.  The cranberries in our sauce were used as dye for clothing, medicine, and dried as part of their version of energy bars.

Just as I connected the dots between the dishes at this international potluck and the stories of the people who brought them, I hope that we can all recover from this foodblindness.  I hope that we remember in our everyday meals there is the collective heritage of so many peoples.  We often blindly accept their inheritance as ours, but not so much their people.  We often look at those that are different from us and notice their “otherness”, that they are not one of “us”.  Yet, they have always been present around us and in us, in our collective inheritance.  Our culture is not just descended from Europe, but from Africa, Asia, the islands, the Americas.  Their heritage is our heritage, their stories are our stories, and their struggles are not separate from our struggles, because their victories are our victories.  They have always been a part of us and will forever be.

Packing Lunches

Packing Lunches

Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. (John 6:8‭-‬11 NIV)

The several characters in this scene: Jesus, his disciples including Andrew, five thousand men (the text specifies that these are males), and the boy who brought the bread and fish.

There is also one major character that is never mentioned in this story, yet plays a lead role. Who could it be? You can guess from the title of this essay that I mean: the person who packed the boy’s lunch.

Like packing lunches, there are many things parents do for their children every day that seem mundane and go unnoticed. And unpaid. Here are just a few:

Nurse Cleaning service Chef Referee Personal assistant Teacher Meal planner Chauffeur Organizer Life coach

Personal stylist CFO Entertainer Handyperson Psychic Sleep coach Pooping doula Law enforcement Investigator Photographer

Translator Travel agent Researcher Crisis negotiator Personal trainer Comforter Laundry service Bodyguard Pet caregiver Magic maker

Source: https://www.mother.ly/life/the-40-jobs-moms-dothat-we-dont-get-paid-for

Did I say unpaid?

Packing lunches for my kids every school morning is not the most exciting thing. You have to make sure your child eats healthy foods, yet satisfy the pickiest of taste buds. For example:

Source: https://www.parenting.com/gallery/bento-lunch-boxes

Haha, just kidding. Actually it’s more like this:

Even if it’s a great lunch, there is still no guarantee it will be eaten!

Since the person who packed the lunch is not mentioned at all, we’ll have to make a few guesses from the lunch and from what’s going on in the scene. First, I am assuming the boy did not pack his own lunch. He could be quite the responsible child and cook his own food, but if my kids packed their own lunch it would probably be potato chips and juice with a side of candy.

From a historical context, the person who packed the boy’s lunch is probably a woman, most likely his mother, so I’ll refer to this parent as female here. Baking the bread is a process that can take 2-3 hours, which would include milling the grain. I can imagine her waking up early to bake the bread and prepare the fish to pack for her son’s journey. Their household also seems to have a moderate income. Barley is a common grain, but she is able to send a fair amount of food with the boy. This is a good solid meal, and the boy was being well cared and provided for by his mother.

His mother seems unable to attend, and there could be many reasons why. The text specifically says that the crowd gathered is male, so it could be that she was excluded. She also might have been physically unable to make such a long journey on foot. She may have been working or busy taking care of her family. There seem to be no adult males attached with this boy, so she may have even been single, or married to someone who didn’t believe.

When you are responsible for another person, there are so many times when you have to give up opportunities. I remember when my first child was born, it sometimes took half an hour to just get to the car. Most of the time outings were scheduled around her nap times. It was so stressful to go to church with a fussy baby--sometimes I would be in tears as we had to leave in the middle of service because she couldn’t stop crying.

There are times parents might have to miss an important meeting at work, and get overlooked for important roles. They may have to cut down on their social time. Most are not able to take care of themselves fully in terms of nutrition and exercise.

In this case, the parent in question has to miss out on hearing from Jesus, the supposed son of God. Talk about disappointment!

So the next question is, why was this boy sent alone, with his lunch, to walk this long distance to hear from Jesus? Was he the one that wanted to go or did his mom send him? Either way, from the generous lunch you can tell he probably went with his mother’s full blessing. She wanted her son to hear Jesus’ words, enough that she sent the boy on his own. She was probably a woman of faith.

The woman seemed to be generous as well. She is generous toward her son. I can imagine her packing extra so that he could share with others. You can see the boy’s generous spirit when he gives his lunch to Jesus. Perhaps it was his entire lunch, which would show the amount of faith the boy had in Jesus. Did his mother teach him this?

I remember when my mom packed my lunches, I would have these huge sandwiches with almost every vegetable in the refrigerator: lettuce, tomato, onions, cucumber, bell peppers, alfalfa sprouts just to name a few. I could barely fit it into my mouth. I resented those sandwiches. I wanted to eat the burgers and fries in the cafeteria like my friends, but now I realize she wanted me to eat healthy so that I could study. Yes, you were right, mom, but you didn’t know I still fell asleep in history every day.

I like how open this child is. He sat and listened to the words of Jesus, and he heard that Jesus needed food for everyone. Not every child is able to listen to long sermons, or step forward into that kind of situation. I wonder if his mother taught him to have a heart to hear, and if she had an open heart as well.

When Jesus distributes the bread and fish, note that he is not making bread and fish from thin air. I imagine him as a very sophisticated copy machine, and what he is copying is the mother’s bread and fish. That means through her son, through Jesus, SHE fed five thousand people. Those five thousand men were eating her food. Every loaf and fish was made lovingly by her hands: the same shaped loaves, the same scorch marks on every fish.

Her love for her son, her generosity, and perhaps her faith in Jesus, was in the food she prepared. Jesus then took her love, generosity, and faith, and gave it power.

The boy arrives safely to the gathering. He hears Jesus words and understands they are in need. He comes forward and meets Andrew and Jesus. He has a heart full of kindness and generosity and puts his trust in Jesus, because he has a good example at home. I believe Jesus recognized all of this and knew this woman. He knew that this mother would raise her child and send him with food to this remote place, and that the boy would offer that food to him. When he asks the disciples to feed the crowd, perhaps it was to look for her son and the lunch that she packed.

As parents we are uncertain about our children’s future. We can provide for them, keep them safe, and teach them what we think is best, but in the end we can’t guarantee the outcomes for our child. Will they be safe? Will they be able to earn a good living? Will they have enough? Will they meet the right people? Will they know right from wrong? Will they make the right choices?

When I send my children to school with their lunches, I wonder if all that care I’ve put into them will somehow be actualized in their lives, or even in others’ lives. Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said, “If you want to bring happiness to the whole world, go home and love your family.”

My parents and I don’t have the best of relationships, but they did send me to school and packed my lunches, with their overly healthy sandwiches. They were able to provide for me in certain ways, yet there were a lot of things missing in my life. I didn’t realize fully what some of those things were until I met some of my closest friends.

My friends (and my co-parent included) have loved me in so many different ways. They recognize and appreciate who I am, even though I have trouble accepting myself. They encourage me and provide support when I need it the most. We commiserate about parenting woes, when I can’t look to my own parents for comfort. I wonder how much of that came from those who raised them--their parents’ efforts multiplied towards me.

One of my best friends from college has an amazing mother who still prays for me everyday. Even if it is a short sentence on my behalf, I can see the love and faith she has. I believe those prayers have been heard and realized in my life in ways that I can’t understand or see. Even knowing those prayers are offered up gives me joy and confidence.

And strangely enough, as I parent my own children and love them, I am able to love myself a little more as well.

I wonder what the boy told his mother when he arrived back home, and what she thought of it. He might have taken some of the extras home as proof, and she may have noticed that several of them had the same hole that accidentally formed in the bread that morning, that some of the scorch marks on the fish followed the same pattern. I wonder how she felt about how the ordinary, unremarkable things that she did, taking care of and feeding her family, became something that could become a blessing to so many.

Perhaps in the moments we are engrossed in the mundane tasks of caring for our families, we can remember how God, through Jesus, took one mother’s simple act of caring and turned it into a powerful miracle.

The Battle of Easter: Part 3

The Battle of Easter: Part 3

We finally reach the cross, the final moments of Jesus’ death. Jesus is crucified in between two thieves and this exchange happens:

Luke 23:39-43
One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

My first observation is that stealing is usually not a capital offense: in the bible, the thief only has to restore and pay twice what he stole. Roman law of the time was similar. So how did these two thieves arrive at Jesus’ side?

It turns out Roman law varied by your status in society. It was illegal in a majority of cases to execute Roman citizens, but the lower your class the harsher the punishment could get. If you were a slave, you could be executed for almost anything. These thieves were definitely among the lower classes and had very few rights.

At least one of these thieves knew theft was wrong, yet chose to do so. Most crimes of theft are due to poverty, and being in the poorer classes he most likely stole for his or his family’s survival. Being at the mercy of the court and their accuser, they were even sentenced to be crucified--a punishment purposely cruel and humiliating, used by Rome to oppress its subjects.

To put it bluntly, these thieves were likely victims of injustice in a system set up against them.

One thief angrily cries out to Jesus to save himself and them. I suppose he realizes the cruelty and injustice of his life, and is rightly bitter and angry. Perhaps he had at one time prayed for someone to save him from a life that led him to poverty; from people who abused and extorted him; from a life he couldn’t escape because of oppression. Maybe then he could have led a righteous life. In this plea there is accusation. The Messiah is the savior and liberator of the people, so what is Jesus waiting for? Has God abandoned this thief?

The thief on Jesus’ other side felt he deserved his punishment, and calls it “just”. His life was of little value to society and this is what his life amounts to, hanging on a cross. He believed this is the sum of all he is worth. He’d already accepted his death.

I feel for both of these thieves--they were both brought to the lowest of places and have to come to terms with it. In my lowest places, I am both these thieves: angry and ashamed before God; I feel both injustice and self-condemnation. When I feel low, I am angry about all the unjust circumstances of my past, many of which I had no control. I am angry that God didn’t answer all my prayers. I am angry when I look at the world and there is so much wrong. I am also ashamed and question myself. I feel I am not enough, and perhaps all the wrong things in my life are what I deserve. I feel I can never measure up to what is valued in this society. I feel that I am not worth God’s love.

Holding onto his last hope, the second thief is able to rebuke the other one and dares to ask Jesus to remember him. He must have recognized something in Jesus, as they were both hanging on their crosses, that convinced him that Jesus was truly a king. What was it?

Maybe this is what Jesus was waiting for as he withstood all the trials before his death: Jesus was waiting to be with this thief (perhaps both thieves). He didn’t save himself or them, but he chose to be by their side and died with them. He made sure they were not alone in their anger and despair, in the worst moment of their lives.

Jesus promises this second thief that they would be together in paradise that very day. What was this paradise Jesus was promising as he died? Where did he go?

When Jesus stands powerless before his friends, before the temple, the government, the crowd, and on the cross, I believe he is presenting himself. He does not deliver a message, a miracle, nor a display of any sort, just himself. It is as if he is saying, “This is who I am, who God is. I am giving myself over completely to you.” This must be the very heart of God.

What if God never wanted anything from us to begin with? And what if God just wanted to love us and be with us, and this is the promise that God is keeping: that God will be with us forever (Matt 28:20). We ask for so many things, some of which God gives us, yet what God wants to give to us is all of himself.

Is this what paradise looks like? To be given the whole heart of God?

I wonder about the first thief, the one that hurled insults at Jesus. What did he think after he heard the exchange between Jesus and the other thief? How did he feel when Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” and know that Jesus felt abandoned too? Did he hear when Jesus asked God to forgive those who executed him and mocked him? What were his final thoughts as he saw Jesus die alongside him in the same way he did, hanging on his own cross? Did he wish to be in paradise with Jesus as well?

When I feel disappointed and angry with God, does he understand and want to be with me still?

I also wonder how much pain Jesus was in when he heard the first thief ask Jesus to save him? How about when the second thief condemned himself and was in despair? Did Jesus hear the cries of all who felt abandoned and cry out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” on our behalf?

Jesus, as a human with the heart of God, lived to show us how much God loves us and wants to be with us. God doesn't necessarily save us in all things, but promises to be with us in everything. God isn't in the place where we become holy and good, but is in the place where we are suffering the most, where we cry out in anger and judge ourselves in shame. To find God, we don't go to the place where we are at our best, we go to the place of our pain, at our cross. God is waiting there for us.

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P.S.-
I wrote previously, at the beginning of Lent this year, that I would contemplate what it meant to have God present with me in all circumstances. First of all, I found myself publishing my first blog post. Though I was afraid, I felt God had confidence in me even if no one read or liked it. Mostly I wanted to share some of the ideas that have encouraged me in my faith, and perhaps encourage other. I’ve often felt like the two disciples on the road to Emmaus whose hearts were burning when they spoke with Jesus (Luke 24:32).

I also found myself pursuing some of the other passions that I had been afraid to pursue, and are things I have zero experience in! Once I jumped in though, it isn’t as bad as I thought, and a good portion of my anxiety disappeared (though it may get harder, I expect).

I was bolstered by feeling the confidence that God would be with me in my success or failure, and that my worth in God’s eyes would not change. Perhaps this is what it means to receive God’s immeasurable grace (Eph 2:4-9). It is not something I can work towards by achieving goodness, but by pursuing and knowing that love and grace. I feel like God has given a piece of me back to myself. Is this a bit of what paradise is like?

P.P.S.-
I did call this the Battle of Easter, but I realized too late that I never wrote about Easter Sunday. My friend explained to me that it still worked because Easter was the victory lap of the whole battle. I will say this about the resurrection and ascension: Jesus remained in his human body or some form of it. What does this mean? He also performed other signs and explained things that are not recorded (John 20:30). What were they and is there a way to discover this ourselves?

P.P.P.S-
It’s okay if you don’t fully agree with my scriptural analysis, but I really do hope you are encouraged in your faith. If you enjoyed this, I have another one coming up for Mother’s Day. Thanks for reading!

See also:
He Chose Us: A Reflection on Lent
The Battle of Easter: Part 1

The Battle of Easter: Part 2

The Battle of Easter: Part 2

The Battle of Easter: Part 2

Jesus claims he can call down armies of angels, but does he?

At the temple in Jerusalem he has wildly false and inconsistent accusations thrown at him. Finally the high priest directly asks him, “Are you the Son of God?” to which Jesus replies, “I am,” said Jesus, “and you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of Power and coming with the clouds of heaven.” (Mark 14:61-62). Yes! It’s showtime! In your face!

And… nothing. This is possibly the most disappointing reveal of a god, ever. Instead he argues for a bit, and subjects himself to abuse. The same thing happens when he appears before the Roman governor Pilate.

In his 40 days in the wilderness, the devil tempted him to jump off the temple and show himself floating down with angels. Jesus replies, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test,” which in turn refers to the the time when the Israelites questioned the character of God saying, “Did you bring us out here to die? Is the Lord really with us or not?” Unfortunately, Jesus really was going to die. Is God still with him and going to keep those promises? Is God really with us? Is Jesus, the man before the temple court, really the Son of God who came to save us?

Why won’t Jesus show himself fully here?

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Let’s dig into some theology here. Are you ready?

There are many theories about what Jesus’ subsequent torture, humiliation, and execution mean. Several of these atonement theologies claim that this is a form of payment to redeem humans from their wrongdoing, or sins. The payment was made either to the devil or to God. Penal substitutionary atonement goes so far as to say that Jesus suffered in our place, meaning he suffered the punishments we should really suffer from a God who demands justice. God is angry at all of us and we’re so awful by nature that everyone deserve this life sentence.

I have many problems with this idea. First, Jesus’s death is often compared to the old rituals of animal sacrifice to God. Never in those scriptures, though, is the animal ever to be tortured before a long and cruel death. The animal sacrifices were always to be treated well and blemish free. Only death was required.

Secondly, one of the arguments is that this is one of the most painful ways to die, therefore it encompasses other punishments. How can one really know what would be the most painful to Jesus? There are so many other ways to suffer in this world. He is never enslaved, he does not undergo childhood trauma, he is does not have an incurable disease. Even though they live under Roman rule, Jesus is a respectable Jewish male in a predominantly Jewish region. He isn’t a victim of racism, misogyny, or other types of identity discrimination. One lifetime wouldn’t even come close to all the things that humans around the world suffer right now.

Third, how does God restore justice using injustice? Is God really satisfied by being cruel to Jesus? Is this the character of God? The most challenging part about this for me is that our relationship with God becomes one of wrongdoer and punisher. Even if Jesus is the intermediary, this becomes our starting point, that from the minute we come into this world we deserve punishment. This implies all the sufferings we experience we bring upon ourselves. We are judged not by our actions, but by our very identity. How do we start from there and develop a relationship as a “child of God” (1 John 3:1)? What God do we worship?

There is also the Moral Influence atonement theory, which I don’t disagree with, where Jesus came to teach and show us God through his life and actions. The death of Jesus, caused by his radical teachings, and the arrival of the Holy Spirit compel us to transform. Jesus did indeed spend time among people, showing them who God really is.

I suppose the atonement theory that makes the most sense to me is Christus Victor, where the devil tries to kill Jesus, and the resurrection of Jesus is the victory over sin, death, and the devil. It paints God as someone who suffers with us and who wants to save us from death.

My theory is similar, but includes that the re-union of God and humanity was at the center of the life of Jesus. Part of my theory is that the actual metaphysical part of reuniting God with humans was fulfilled by Jesus living as a human, without using godly powers to benefit himself. This concept is called hypostatic union in Christian theology: Jesus being both fully god and fully human simultaneously. He couldn’t even avoid paying his taxes! (Mark 12:13-17) If he ever dropped the “fully human” part from birth through death, this union would be void.

Who, being in very nature a God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!  (Philippians 2:6-8)

In Greek, the word for sin, “hamartia”, can also be translated as “missing the mark”. In Hebrew, the word for sacrificial offering is “korban”, which is closely related to the word “be near”. The interpretation is that the ancient offerings were to bring people closer to God. If Jesus was the sacrificial offering for sin, could the death of Jesus be part of what brings God and humans together? Is Satan, perhaps, using humiliation and torture, just to prevent Jesus’ ultimate death?

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It is remarkable how many times he is mockingly named king and called on to save himself before he dies. If we believe what he’s said and done up to this point, he can absolutely save himself and become king. In the 40 days in the wilderness, the devil offers exactly that, to make Jesus ruler of the world. This is the same offer presented here--to claim his power and authority to become our benevolent king.

How tempting is it now, to reclaim the world and maybe he didn’t even have to bow to the devil. He could overthrow Caesar, free all the captives, restore justice, and even continue teaching everyone right from wrong. Most of the prophecies about the Messiah describe a glorious and majestic king, so what happened?

When the Roman governor, Pilate, leads Jesus and a revolutionary and murderer named Barabbas before the local crowd so they can choose one to release, they chose the revolutionary. They shout, “Crucify him!” (Matt 27:22-23). The crowds were riled up by Jesus’ enemies, but I wonder how many of them had followed him and believed in him before. Were they angry and disappointed that Jesus didn’t save them from the oppressive Roman rule? Why wasn’t Jesus the revolutionary? Didn’t he come to save them?

There are so many reasons for Jesus to give up on his humanity and to give up on us. His best friends abandon him, most people don’t believe him, so many in power are corrupt. He helped so many people, but they didn’t want the picture of God that he showed them. And now they are showing their worst selves. Why would he still want to be one of us?

It’s as if the devil is saying, “See these disgusting people! They don’t believe you and certainly don’t deserve you. They don’t deserve your love or your sacrifice. How many of your friends are left? They turned on you when you needed them--everyone is in it for themselves. How easily they become base and cruel beings. This is what humans truly are. And you know what? They’re all going to forget you and none of this will work in the end. Save yourself and become king!”

Jesus’ reply might be, “I am still going through with this. Yes God has lead me here to die, but I believe God will fulfill the promises. I will trust that my friends will come back and even those that are condemning me will turn around and believe me. I have faith in them, that even after I am not around, countless others will still believe even if they don’t see me.”

Jesus had said, “Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.” (And Deuteronomy 13:4 adds "and cling to him").  For Jesus, all the kingdoms of the world are not worth as much as being with us, reuniting us with a loving God. Yet, our prayers every day are for God to come and save us, to fix our problems, to right every wrong in this world, to bring healing. In fact that is an ancient promise God made. No wonder the crowds were angry.

Is this enough for us, though? Is having God better than having the things we need to live? Do we want a God that doesn’t show himself and leaves us to our shaky faith? Do we want a God that refused to use his power to be king?

Is it worth it to only have God?

See also:
He Chose Us: A Reflection on Lent
The Battle of Easter: Part 1

The Battle of Easter: Part 1

The Battle of Easter: Part 1

In my essay about Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness, I wrote about how Jesus’ choices there were not merely resisting temptations but to choose the path of human life and subsistence. His choice was to join us in our ordinary struggles without using his extraordinary power, privilege, or authority to benefit himself and transcend human existence. His choice was to be with us.

For Jesus to have been fully human, his life must end in death. In his final days, he observes Passover, is consequently betrayed, wrongfully accused and arrested, tortured, abandoned, and then sentenced to death. Finally he is resurrected three days later, which is what we celebrate every year on Easter Sunday in the traditional Christian calendar.

Jesus often foretells his death to his closest friends, which they respond to with denial and confusion. When his friend Peter says, “Never Lord!” to this, Jesus goes so far to call those words from Satan (Matt 16:21-23). Why? Wouldn’t it be natural for Jesus’ friends to not want him to die? It’s pretty extreme to call someone who cares about you the devil, especially when they want to stop something bad from happening.

Well, if we look at it from Satan’s perspective, he wants to prevent God from reuniting with humans at all cost. If recreating the union of God and humans required Jesus to complete his human life, then Satan must prevent Jesus’ death. This is Satan’s last chance, and he is going all out.

The Passover dinner before his death he gives his disciples bread saying, “this is my body”. He gives them wine and calls it his “blood.” In his 40 days in the wilderness, Jesus said, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” We realize now that the bread and the words Jesus was talking about were himself. When he didn’t make bread for himself then, it wasn’t to withstand physical starvation, it was to prepare for this moment. In this metaphorical act, Jesus asks us to remember while we subsist on physical food and drink, we also subsist on God, and that God is one with us.

Later that evening in Gethsemane, we find Jesus praying alone and in a fierce battle of will. He asks that God’s will and not his be fulfilled. Wait, what? Jesus doesn’t want to follow God’s plans! When his disciples fall asleep on him when he needs them the most, he says, “Watch and pray so that you will not enter into temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” (Mark 14:38). I have to admit, sleep is very tempting, especially every morning when my alarm goes off, or in the middle of a boring lecture. It’s the middle of the night, they just drank a bunch of wine, presumably 4 glasses, so it’s just natural. Look, if he wanted his friends to pull an all-nighter, all he had to do was give them a can of Red Bull, problem solved.

The Greek word that is translated to “body” is “sarx” which is also “the flesh” or “human nature”. Could he have been talking about himself as well? Maybe Jesus’ spirit was wholeheartedly willing, but his human being was not? Jesus’ friend, Judas, betrays him, and his other friends abandon him when he is arrested by the temple guards. It was so easy for Satan to take Jesus’ friends away. Were these friends even worth what he was going through?

This is the moment for me when Jesus reveals the man behind the curtain, and all of a sudden you glimpse the powerful son of God. When Jesus is about to be arrested he says:

“Don't you know that I could call on my Father for help, and at once he would send me more than twelve armies of angels? But in that case, how could the Scriptures come true which say that this is what must happen?”  (Matthew 26:53-54)

When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they moved back and fell to the ground.  (John 18:6)

Here Jesus reveals, it was a conscious choice of his to not escape.


See also: He Chose Us: A Reflection on Lent

He Chose Us: A Reflection on Lent

He Chose Us: A Reflection on Lent

With the Lent season upon us, many of us are getting ready to delve into a deeper spiritual experience.  In the Christian tradition, we believe we can reach that through prayer, self-denial, and repentance for a total of 40 days, culminating in Easter.  Many of us choose to fast by giving up certain foods or luxuries in an effort to focus on our spiritual journey.

I know many who find this to be a time of growth in faith for them.  I admire their resolve, passion, and commitment to purge the hindrances in their lives, and delve deeper into their relationship with God.  I’ve heard stories from many people about the different changes in their lives because of their Lent experiences.

Lent, though, for me has become this dreaded time where I have to pick a different way to suffer, in order to become a better Christian.  I debate with myself every year: Will it be sweets (losing weight as a side benefit)?  Will it be swearing?  Will it be Netflix or Facebook?  Or, dear God, will I have to give up my smartphone?  I think about it every year, but my resolve has been getting worse, and I end up secretly doing nothing--not even praying for world peace every day.  And consequently, I don’t really feel more holy by Easter.

Lent is based on Jesus’ 40 days of fasting at the beginning of his ministry.  It is a very confusing story to begin with, and it does not add up for me.  It doesn’t really inspire me to fast and pray, even though it has inspired countless others, and I haven’t been sure why.  So, I’ve been studying the bible passage to see if there was something new I could find that would help me rediscover Lent.

At the beginning and end of his ministry Jesus is portrayed as a quiet sufferer.  His 40 days in the desert is seen as a test of obedience and self denial; Jesus’ path to the cross, an act of abject submission.  However, this seems completely contrary to the rest of his ministry.  He is commanding, powerful, outspoken, and defiant.  Is he really that different at these two points in time?

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”  Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ”  Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ”  Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ”  Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”  Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”  Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:1‭-‬11 NIV)

The story of the temptations of Christ has always been a curious thing to me.  Every reading makes less and less sense. On the first reading it looks like an end of term final--you haven't eaten or slept properly for days. You’re delirious from drinking too much Red Bull.  You’ve been studying and studying, now do you have all the right answers?  Jesus gets an A-plus in biblical memorization and interpretation!

On your next reading, you may note how great Jesus is at fighting off temptation.  He's obedient and stoic, able to withstand suffering.  He's able to starve for 40 days and still not eat.  He doesn’t to challenge God.  He does the right thing and doesn’t give into greed, a thirst for power and glory, and even his personal needs.  Those truly are strong temptations we face as humans.  Jesus is the ultimate achiever in self-control.

When I read it now, it is a truly strange story.  Jesus is obedient and follows scripture really well, but Satan knows scripture well too and Jesus doesn’t follow those scriptures.  What is the purpose of anyone starving for 40 days? Why can't the guy just have some bread?  What is going on?

I have a theory that Jesus must have had to starve for 40 days in the wilderness, in isolation, because that was how he could arrive at the point of extreme physical and psychological exhaustion due to his divine origins. It is painful and deathly to starve. Humans physically can’t last even a few days without water especially in the heat of the wilderness.  We can all agree his surviving this is miraculous.  Perhaps as a human born with God’s divine powers Jesus had amazing stamina, and this was the only way to strip his divine strength to the limit.  Maybe his forty day mark was the same as a normal human’s three day mark.  Your guess is as good as mine.

So, after FORTY whole days the guy wasn’t only hungry, but was probably on the point of death.  The devil arrives, when Jesus is at the end of his endurance and sanity, and says, “You poor thing.  You look like you’re starving. Hey, this bread shaped stone looks like a freshly baked baguette?  You and I both know what you’re capable of.  Go ahead, I won’t tell your dad.”

Now, making bread isn’t a sin. People make bread all the time!  Maybe it’s a sin if you are on a gluten free diet, but now there are plenty of alternatives.  Jesus could have been like, “Ha!  I’ve just made a loaf out of almond flour and coconut oil!  It’s not really bread so I win!”  Later on he even makes bread miraculously for thousands of people, so it is not wrong for him to do so.  He instead says, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ That’s still bread plus God, not either bread or God, and doesn’t require self-sacrifice.  The verse in context is about how God sent the Israelites manna in their 40 years in the wilderness.  It is still God making food.

Why not this miracle in particular?  If we take look at all his miracles listed in the bible, most if not all of them are for other people’s benefit.  The difference is that this one would have been solely for Jesus’s benefit and survival.  If he had taken advantage of his power he could have lived, well, like a god.

The next one is equally baffling.  Throwing yourself from the top of a building--not cool.  You’d get hurt or die.  But being lifted by angels?  WAY cool.  It’s like heavenly bungee jumping.  Jesus, the party pooper, says, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” This answer always confused me, because in Judges 6, Gideon does test God to see if God was really talking to him or if he was going nuts.  So why was that test was okay, but this one wasn’t?  There was also the showdown between God and Baal, orchestrated by Elijah in 1 Kings 18:20-40.  There are multiple other times that God’s power is put on display as proof.

The verse that Jesus quotes here was about when the Israelites, in their 40 years in the wilderness, needed water at Massah (Deut 6:16, Exodus 17:7).  They questioned Moses, “Did you bring us out here to die?  Is the Lord really with us or not?”  Meanwhile there is a pillar of cloud or fire leading them everyday, manna raining down from heaven, and a sea parting.  Maybe it is not a question pertaining to His might or power, but a question of God’s character and promises.  Even the bible passage the devil quotes is from Psalm 91, which is about someone who loves and trusts in God, and whom God always answers and protects.

Perhaps, after 40 days Satan caught Jesus at the right moment of deliriousness to make him doubt who he was, his purpose, and the promise of God.  Is he really the son of God in this state?  He’s taunting Jesus, “God’s led you out here to suffer.  Is God really with you?  Is this plan of yours going to work?  If God is really going to keep those promises?  Will these awful people really believe in you?  Will God really save you and everyone else?”

Jumping off the temple in Jerusalem would have been quite a public spectacle.  If he descended with angels carrying him, it would have been a clear message that he was sent from heaven.  It certainly would have made things easier later on when he was constantly accused of being a liar and heretic.  Even later in his ministry, Jesus asks his disciples not to let people know he was the Messiah (Matt 16:20).  Again, Jesus chooses to disregard his status, and desires not to be seen as a god but as a human.

Finally we get to bowing to the devil.  This is clearly a sin according to scripture, but is what the devil offers something so bad?  Isn’t his ultimate goal to win back all of humanity?  And isn’t that what we all want?  Every day we pray for someone to fix the wrongs of this world and create world peace.  We want someone to bring us justice and ease all our sufferings.  This is what the devil offers, without all the suffering and dying and waiting in between.  Jesus had the kind of status that would make the devil hand things over.

Jesus then says, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”  These words appear more than once in the bible, but in one instance in Deuteronomy 13:4, it adds “and cling to him.”  This reminds me of what it says about marriage in the bible and how the apostle Paul describes marriage as a metaphor for Jesus’ relationship with the church (Eph 5:32).  Depending on your translation it says that the two who are married “cleave to” each other, are united, become one, or become one flesh, etc.

I believe, his true purpose was to simply be with us, to create this union between all of humanity and God. The end result may look like world peace, but he claims that alone is not what we need, but being with God is.  In order to create this union, Jesus had to become “fully human” (Hebrews 2:14-18).  Jesus has not given up his or power or authority as the son of God, but because of his love for us he has most definitely given up his privilege.  Because he loves us, he chooses a life that is completely human from birth through death.  If Jesus attained the world at this point, and fulfilled all our prayers, he would have failed in reuniting God with us.

Every moment he experiences human existence, every moment he chooses to put down his privilege, he chooses to be with us before anything else.  Every moment of his life is about bringing us closer to God.  He is not passively suffering, but he is actively choosing.  He is choosing us.

That 40 days in the wilderness seems so lonely and painful to me, but when I know that his thoughts were solely on us, on me, my own loneliness and pain in life seems to lessen.  Most of us don’t have the power, authority, or status to make the choices that the devil provides to Jesus.  When he makes his choices, Jesus sees us, loves us, and chooses to be with us in our humanity.  When Jesus was lonely, he decided to be lonely with us.  When he starved, he starved with us.  He doesn’t save himself, because he knows we can’t save ourselves.  When we are full of doubt and fear, he holds onto us.  When he is powerless, he is powerless with us.  When we can’t go on, he will not leave us behind.

He always chooses us.

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Postscript:

This Lent, instead of foregoing something, I am going to try something different by remembering Jesus is present with me in my humanness, that every time I am frustrated with my weaknesses, God is right there with me. Perhaps it will help me be present with others, as well.  This past year, stories of so many people suffering around the world have surfaced and each story has made me realize how much privilege I have.  I usually read these stories and am able to move on with my life, even though those people can’t.  Knowing how Jesus put down his privilege, I'd like to think about what it means to put aside my privilege as Jesus did.  I’m not sure how it will turn out, and if I can truly be present with Jesus and others, but my hope is that it will help me understand the heart of God in a new way.

Post-Postscript:

The other half of this essay I've planned to post for Easter, so stay tuned!